Chicken love
by Yennefer
Summary: Athrun Zala was collected, laid back guy who could always keep calm. The problem was – there were few things that make his blood boil. Barbaric females were one of them. /For AsuCaga Valentine's Day Parade 2016


**Edited by Hall1990**

 **Special thanks for nom de plumee**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED/Destiny**

* * *

 **Chicken love**

.

.

.

"Uhm, hello?"

"Where the hell are you? Please, tell me you are in a car, driving to my place."

If Athrun didn't know Kira so well, he would say his best friend sounded annoyed slash angry. But hey, it was Kira, the sweetest guy on this forsaken planet.

"Of course I am. I'll be there in uh… 20 minutes?"

"Why are you asking me? Oh, God! Don't tell me you are still in your house!"

"Kira, damn it, calm down. There is a small traffic jam, geez."

"You have 15 minutes!" Kira shouted and hung up.

"Well, shit." Athrun groaned and got up from his bed.

10 minutes later he was driving his beloved BMW, breaking all speed limits, thinking grimly that this was not how he wanted to spend his two weeks of leave. After a 4 month mission abroad, all he wanted was to eat his mom's homemade food, drive his car and get wasted with his buddies. Going on a blind Valentine's date was not on his fucking to do list.

He seriously blamed Kira and his big, crying, begging, stupid, puppy eyes. Kira Yamato found the girl of his dreams: A living perfection. A Venus among the peasants. The list was long and Athrun spent half of his mission in Afghanistan, rolling his eyes and biting cheeks trying hard to not say something inappropriate during his and Kira's Skype chats. He was a good, well-behaved guy, right?

After months of courting, finally, Kira asked his Venus to go out with him and that's why he agreed, when Kira begged him, to go on a blind date. She agreed but only under one condition – her single bestfriend would go with them. And because all of their mutual friends were dating, the natural choice for her companion was Athrun Unlucky Zala.

"Don't worry; your date is the sweetest girl on the Earth." Kira said after he got into the car. Then he checked Athrun out. "Do you really think that erm… your clothes are good choice for a first date?" He asked hesitantly.

Athrun sighed, "Kira, we are going for a freaking paintball game, I think combat boots, pants and T-Shirt are the perfect choice."

He was not going to admit that these clothes were the only clean things in his closet.

"Uhm, you think I should have clothed myself differently? I wanted to make a good impression!" Kira was wearing white dress shirt and black pants.

Mercifully, Athrun didn't comment just stopped the car in front of the entrance to the paintball arena. Their friends were already waiting for them.

"You are late." Yzak, like always, was grumpy.

"Sorry, my fault." Athrun answered, patting Dearka's back and saying hello to Shiho and Miriallia.

"Shouldn't you soldiers be punctual?"

Athrun turned his head to the source of a new, not familiar and angry, voice. She was short, blonde, with big amber eyes, clothed in red t-shirt and combat pants. She was clearly pissed off and unless he misread her, she was pissed off at him.

"That's stereotypical. In reality we rarely do things on time." He laughed awkwardly, trying to ease the tension.

Who was this chick? Some pedantic freak? They were only five minutes late, she shouldn't have been so pissed off!

The blonde head narrowed her eyes and smirked, "Well, I was sure that an institution that allows soldiers to shoot innocent people in their own countries would be more organized." She approached him and drew her hand out. "I'm Cagalli." She smiled sweetly with some murderous fire in her eyes.

Athrun blinked. _Cagalli?_ This was Kira's Venus?! This blonde cavewoman was the girl his bestfriend had been lusting for, for the last six months?! Hell?!

What Kira said about her? Philosophy student, good at sports, involved in volunteerism, ecology and saving homeless cats. Apparently, peace activist. And an utter bitch.

Athrun Zala was a collected, laid back guy who could always keep calm. The problem was – there were few things that made his blood boil. Barbaric females were one of them.

He smiled and grabbed her hand. "I don't shoot people, I'm a sapper, I blow them up." He said cheerfully and noted with satisfaction how she squeezed her eyes surprised. "Athrun."

"Nice job you have there." She answered, crushing his hand in an iron grip.

"Some people have to do their dirty work, so the others," he made a pause, "could sit on their asses and study useless, archaic shit." He smiled wider when she almost broke his poor hand, but his man's pride didn't allow him to wince.

"Watch your back, buddy." Cagalli hissed, let go of his hand and stormed through the gate, with Kira on her heels.

"Nice job, Zala." Yzak laughed. "Athha is going to kick your ass and I'm going to enjoy that." Shiho hit the back of his head but he kept laughing.

Athrun said nothing, trying to restore blood circulation in his hand.

"You did a quite impression, I need to say." A pink haired beauty he didn't notice because of that crazy tyrannosaurus, grabbed gently his arm. "I'm Lacus and I think you are my date for today."

Thank God his date was an angel comparing to the blonde crazy excuse of a woman, he thought while helping Lacus putting on her guards and explaining how the paintball gun works.

She was a sweet, kind, precious, porcelain little thing. You know what? She was ideal for his bestfriend. They would be a perfect match.

But his blind friend was head over heels in love with a… barbaric woman. Athrun put on his helmet and glared at Cagalli, who was laughing like a hyena and clapping Kira's shoulder like she wanted to dislocate it. But then she caught him staring and raised her brows.

"What's wrong, sapper girl? Afraid that I'm going to shoot you?" She bared her teeth. "Don't worry; I'll leave your lady's ass for the end." She tapped his chest and headed to the field.

Athrun felt a wave of cold, murderous intentions rising inside of his body. He really didn't like when people commented on his slightly feminine features, he has had enough of that shit in his school years.

"I'm going to kill this bitch." He said calmly and went after her.

"Shouldn't we stop him?" A little concerned Lacus asked.

"He was joking… I hope." Miriallia said uncertainly.

"You all said he is a perfect gentleman."

"It seems that the army has turned him into… a man." Dearka said awkwardly. "Come on, let's die with some honor."

* * *

The arena was situated in a dense forest; there were many shelters, walls and trenches. It was ideal place to suffer.

They divided into two teams. Athrun, Lacus, Dearka and Mir vs Cagalli, Kira, Shiho and Yzak. They begun the game and… after five minutes all were "dead", the only ones still standing were Cagalli and Athrun.

Athrun winced when pink paint splashed on a tree trunk, centimeters from his head. He had to admit – this goddamned woman was good. He needed a plan. He needed to hide, wait for a good chance, come from behind and shoot…

A bullet of pink paint buzzed near his shoulder.

"What's wrong pussy? Crapped your pants already?"

You know what? Fuck the tactic.

Athrun burst out from behind the tree and made a very manly and very not like him howl and rushed into her direction.

Cagalli blinked. Ok, she wanted to provoke him but not like that. And now she had a charging rhino running into her direction. So, she did the only rational thing.

She ran away.

"Come back, bitch!"

"Catch me if you can, bastard!"

The rest of their friends were watching silently as the pair disappeared among the trees, throwing insults at each other.

"Maybe we should stop them?" Kira said hesitantly.

"Pff, go after them, if you want," Yzak rolled his eyes. "Let's just go to our flat and watch some movies, I've had enough of this forest."

* * *

"Shit!" Cagalli was panting loudly, but she kept running.

The sapper boy was good and she had the last bullet. Now or never!

She turned on her heel, aimed and… slipped and landed on her ass. Hard.

And then few things happened.

Athrun Zala appeared in front of her like a ghost and pointed his gun at her chest. And then a big, ugly toad hoped suddenly to Cagalli's lap. The blonde head blinked at looked at the animal. Athrun looked at it too. The toad croaked. Cagalli screamed from the bottom of her lungs. Like an actual girl.

Athrun blinked, the gun trembled in his hands while he burst into hysterical laughing. He didn't even stop when a pink paint splashed on his chest. He didn't stop when a toad was thrown on his face and landed on his nose with an insulted croak. Athrun just fell on his back, hugging his stomach, laughing like an idiot.

* * *

"That laugh was mean, you know." Said Cagalli ten minutes later, while they were slowly returning to the main arena. It seemed they ran a long distance before the toad accident.

"Mean? Says the girl who threw an innocent toad into my face. Poor little thing is going to be traumatized."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, it looked perfectly fine and it hopped away. It's not like I hurt its feelings or something."

"How do you know?" Athrun gasped. "Maybe it was a magic toad? A cursed prince turned into an amphibian?"

"Right, and you want me to find it, kiss it and live happily after with prince charming? Not happening."

"I was thinking that you would kiss it and turn into a slimy toad."

He expected a punch, glare or a snarky come back. What he didn't expect was a merry laugh.

"Ok, I deserved that. I think I owe you an apology of my horrible behavior earlier."

"I called you a bitch few times and chased through the woods, so I think we're clear. But seriously? Getting so pissed off because we were five minutes late?"

"Erm that was not the reason why I got so angry. You just fucked up my pretty little plan to finally put Kira and Lacus together."

Athrun stopped dead in his tracks. "Huh?"

"Please, Lacus has been crushing on Kira for weeks, but the dense puppy doesn't see it, because he's crushin' on me." Cagalli rolled her eyes. "And you know how he is, the sweetest cinnamon roll and it's impossible to say no to him and he doesn't get allusions. And then he asked me out, so I thought we could go for a date where I could show him what a barbaric woman I am and how we would not fit. Paintball was the perfect opportunity; I would howl and kill while Kira would protect Lacus. A perfect plan if you ask me."

"Hmm." Athrun was not so sure.

"But then, Kira said he had a date for Lacus. His bestfriend slash Mr. Gentleman slash super soldier. And today, you appeared in your awesome car, with a cool face and lean body and being totally Lacus' type and I just lost it." She sighed dramatically. "Does it make sense?"

Athrun blinked. "No? But I'm sorry I screwed with your plan." Then he scratched his head. "But maybe we can still put them together, somehow?"

Before Cagalli could answer, she got a SMS. "Ugh, Mir said they headed to Kira's to watch movies. They ordered us to buy food, bastards." But then she smiled and showed him the screen.

There was a picture of Lacus and Kira. She was wiping pink paint from his face and he was blushing madly.

* * *

"Smmophshllingmmmfrrrs."

"Stop talking with your mouth full. You look like a guinea pig."

Athrun swallowed. "First of all, stop stealing my fries. Secondly, I've heard that they eat guinea pigs in Peru."

Cagalli stole two fries from his plate. "Now I wonder how guinea pigs taste."

"Probably like a chicken." Athrun took a bite of his tortilla. "These days everything tastes like chicken."

Cagalli nodded. "Only, chicken doesn't taste like chicken."

They looked at each other and burst out laughing, then they bumped their beer bottles.

"You know, down the street there is a pet shop." Athrun said innocently.

"Think they have guinea pigs?" Cagalli asked cheerfully, shoveling his fries into her mouth.

They fell into a conversation about the best ways to skin a guinea pig. The rest of their friends were sitting in a stunned silence, watching them like they grew a new pair of heads.

"Didn't you say that Athrun is a gentleman?" Lacus whispered to Kira, when the blue head burped.

"I think… the army has changed him. You know the stress and everything?" Yamato said and paled when half-chewed fries fell out from Cagalli's mouth. "Uhm, does she always eat like that?"

"What the hell is wrong with you two?" Yzak asked suspiciously "First you tried to kill each other and now you are best pals?"

Athrun and Cagalli swallowed and looked at Yzak simultaneously.

"It's the toad's fault!"

"Toad? Do we want to know?"

"Probably not." Athrun said chewing slowly and looked at Cagalli, who looked deep in thought.

"Do you think…?" She asked slowly.

"God, please no." Mir said pleadingly.

"That toads taste like chicken too?" Athrun finished and all of their friends groaned and stood up.

"That's it! We're going to watch movies." Dearka made a disgusted face. "And you!" He pointed at the still sitting and chewing couple. "Are not invited, unless you stop talking about eating gross things!"

Athrun blinked. "Guinea pigs are banned to?"

"Yes!" They all shouted and left the kitchen, Kira's hand on Lacus' small back, steering her to the coach.

When they were alone, Cagalli and Athrun groaned. He banged his head on a wall behind him; she put her forehead on table with a loud bang.

"Two more minutes of eating like a barbarian and my stomach would explode." Athrun said slowly. "This plan is going to kill us, Athha."

"At least it seems to work." Cagalli sighed and put her chin on the table. "What?" She asked because he was smirking at her.

"You have garlic sauce spread all over your face."

"And you have it on your shirt."

Athrun looked down, she was right.

"Well, at least Kira and Lacus won't try to kiss us today."

"Yup." They bumped their fists.

"Hey, Shrek and Fiona, are you coming or not?" Yzak shouted for the living room. "We chose the movie! Valentine's Massacre!"

They groaned and stood up.

"Could be worse." Cagalli sighed.

Athrun wiped the sauce from her cheek and licked it from his finger. "Right, they could have picked some cheesy romance."

* * *

An hour later, Lacus and Kira were clutching themselves for dear life, Yzak and Shiho were pretending they weren't scared, Dearka and Mir were hiding behind pillows and Athrun and Cagalli were assholes.

"Come on, brains don't explode like that! It's impossible!" Athrun moaned.

"Shut up, Zala. This is a horror movie, not a documentary on Discovery!"

"The bastard with glasses is going to die next." Indeed the bastard died a few minutes later. "See?" Cagalli smirked. "The next is going to be the…"

"Cagalli!"

"What?! It's so predictable! Hey, did he just eat her kidney? Do you think…?"

"Don't you dare." Mir growled.

"It's possible." Athrun hummed.

"Both of you shut up!"

"It definitely tastes like chicken." Cagalli and Athrun said together.

And then they were kicked out to prepare popcorn.

"That was gross." Kira sighed when the movie ended. "Maybe we should watch something lighter now."

"P.S. I Love You? I always wanted to see it." Lacus said hopefully and smiled at Kira who turned red.

"Erm, why not?" He smiled sheepishly.

"I'm not…!" Yzak started but one angry look from Shiho made him changed his view. "I totally am."

Athrun and Cagalli, who were about to enter the living room with a big bowl of popcorn, stopped dead in their tracks. They looked at each other. Without a word, silently, like two predators, they slowly backed off.

Twenty minutes later their friends realized that something was missing.

"Hey, where is our popcorn?" Mir asked suddenly, trying to drown out Kira's sneefings.

"Shrek! You're not making out with the female ogre, are you?" Yzak smirked but winced when Shiho's elbow hit his stomach.

No one responded.

"You don't think they really…?" Dearka started.

But it turned out to be that Athrun, Cagalli, the bowl of popcorn and few beers were missing in action.

* * *

"So, you don't like Led Zeppelin, hate dogs, threw eggs at participants on a Group of Eight conference, study not only that useless philosophy but also law, seriously? Have a yellow stuffed elephant named Akatsuki and you loved throwing funerals for your Barbie dolls when you were a kid. Why we are still talking, you crazy woman?"

They were sitting on his BMW's mask, eating stolen popcorn and sipping beer.

"Funny, because I don't know why I talk to a pussy who doesn't know who Bessie Smith is, cried during the Titanic, is a total mummy's boy, has never gotten detention in school, has hair better than mine and in two weeks is going back to Registan Desert to blow people up."

"More like defuse bombs to prevent people from blowing their asses up, but I guess a brainwashed, peace lover like you can't tell the difference."

"Bastard." She smirked.

"Bitch." He smirked back.

They were staring at each others eyes for a long, long moment. He thought that in dim streetlights, she looked almost pretty. She thought he was not so bad.

Then they sighed.

"It's not going to work, isn't it?" She asked grimly.

"No fucking way. We're going to kill each other." Athrun agreed.

"Yup. Plus, you have no music taste. And…"

"And you're pushing my all buttons. And…"

"You're not so boring as I thought, and quite funny."

"And you look almost pretty if you don't eat with your mouth wide open."

"And you will spend next few months trying to not get killed."

"Right. So, yeah, we are not going to work."

"No way in hell."

They sighed in unison. Athrun opened two more beers and passed one to Cagalli.

"For relationships that won't happen." Cagalli saluted and they both took sips.

They kept drinking in silence, staring hardly into their eyes, a very stupid idea slowly forming in their brains.

"So," Athrun cleared his throat after few minutes later "I have Discovery Channel at my place, maybe we could watch some documentaries about sardines?"

"Not a bad idea." Cagalli said seriously. "What?" She asked when Athrun winced suddenly, made a face and tried to read the beer's label in the dim light.

"Doesn't this beer taste strange to you? Maybe it's spoiled?"

"It's ginger flavored beer I think… Why you just turned pale?"

"I'm allergic to ginger." Athrun said weakly as his stomach grumbled.

"Oi, Zala? You are not going to…?!"

Too late. Athrun threw up. Straight at her.

"Seriously? You had a bowl of popcorn in front of you and you threw up at me?!"

* * *

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing, shit happens… Too bad it happened to my favorite shirt." Cagalli, fresh from shower, stopped drying her hair and plumped down near Athrun on his single bed.

"Sorr…" He started but she glared at him, so he just cleared his throat and tried not to ogle her.

She was wearing his too big, military T-shirt that was clung to her body quite nicely.

"Just for your information, it's a shirt from my boot camp. You, a peace activist, are wearing an army outfit."

"That's called an irony of life." She rolled her eyes but then smirked. "If you thought I would tear it immediately from my body, then sorry but no. Not on a first meeting." She stuck out her tongue and he sighed dramatically.

"Mission failed. Not on a first, huh? What about the second?"

"We can negotiate. But first of all, won't your parents mind that you brought a stranger to the house?"

After Athrun's throwing up performance they decided that returning to Kira's flat was not a good idea. It would provoke too many questions and they didn't want to disturb the new couple. Because yes, Cagalli got a picture taken by Mir, on which Kira and Lacus were cuddling and soundly sleeping on the couch.

Instead, they decided to crash at Athrun's house.

"Nah, father took mom to a sentimental Valentine's trip, they're coming back tomorrow."

"So, what are we watching?" Cagalli nestled near him, mixed scents of his shampoo and her body hit his nose and damn that smelled good.

"Well… How about…" he turned on TV and flipped through the channels. "A documentary about chickens?"

"Sounds great!"

* * *

"That feeling when the alternative of eating guinea pigs instead of chickens sounds great and healthy."

"I will never, EVER, eat a chicken again."

* * *

Athrun was woken up by freaking pigeons that were gurgling happily on his balcony. Damned birds, why couldn't they procreate somewhere else? Suddenly he missed his gun.

He yawned and slowly opened his eyes. He was in his own room, in his own bed. That means that yesterday didn't end so badly. His head didn't throb, his stomach was not in pain, and he saw his wallet and cell on a table near his bed. So far – everything was great. And then he felt a hot breath on his neck and limbs hugging him from behind.

They were spooning. But shouldn't he have been the big spoon? Whatever. Now he felt his ribs were throbbing, she hit him few times during the night and he was sure he was bruised.

He slowly turned over and faced his blonde companion. Her hair was tangled and looked like a style perfect for a scarecrow. Their faces were just inches apart and he realized that she has freckles. Then she opened her eyes slowly and wow, her eyes were almost golden.

And he might fall in love with her in that moment.

"Do you creep over every girl you bring to your bed?" She yawned.

"Only those who have dried drool on their foreheads." Athrun grinned.

"Well, hello to you too." She rolled her eyes. "What time is it?"

"No idea." He smiled happily. "So, what do you think about kissing on a second date?"

Cagalli raised a brow, "Second? I don't remember us going on a first."

"Technically speaking yesterday was our first. Like they say – new day, new date."

"Hmm." She pushed him on his back and hopped to his top. "Correct me if I'm wrong," she started thoughtfully, "On our first technical date, we tried to kill each other, tried to match our dates together, behaved like barbarians, stole popcorn, ran away from a party and agreed this relationship has no future?"

"You forgot about me throwing up at you and watching the grossest documentary about chickens." He added happily, putting his hands on her hips, caressing her bare skin under the T-shirt. "At least it was extraordinary."

She literally purred like a cat and nuzzled his neck with her nose. "Hmm, point taken." Cagalli murmured and finally kissed him.

And kissed him again.

Athrun didn't know what her opinion was about sex on the second date and unfortunately he was not going to figure it out.

He suddenly broke the kiss and stared at Cagalli with wide eyes.

"What?" She asked annoyed.

"Erm, what's your opinion about meeting parents on a second date?" He asked sheepishly.

"Huh? That's not…" And then she heard it too, sounds of someone running up the stairs.

"Athrun! I don't care how bad your hangover is! How many times do I need to tell you – don't park your car in the middle...!" The doors opened with a bang and Patrick Zala stopped dead in his tracks.

Well, a view of your son and an almost naked girl on top of him, do things like that to fathers.

"Hey dad, you are earlier than I thought." Athrun said smoothly.

"Hi," Cagalli smiled awkwardly at the gapping man, "I swear it's not what you think."

But Patrick Zala had a different opinion.

"Len! Come here quickly!" He shouted. "Our son finally brought a girl home!"

Cagalli blinked when a thrilled female shriek reached her ears. She looked at Athrun.

"I think you're staying for dinner." He grinned.

 **THE END**


End file.
